Projection and Transference Opportunities for Healing Our Splits

By now a lot of us have heard the term projection but many may have not heard the term transference. Projection and transference are the same phenomena. Seeing in others or outside ourselves our own unconscious content. We transfer or project whatever we disown, deny or repress quite frequently— only we are not the one's doing it. Our unconscious projects itself because it wants to be known.

This unfortunately results in not really knowing the other person who receives the projection which is why real relationships take time as Saturn so patiently informs us. Saturn is exalted in the sign of Libra which means it works best when we slowly get to know others. So many people get into what I call "fast food" relationships — wanting intimacy NOW! That's fine in the first half of life when we are experimenting but in the 2nd half of life our values change and our needs are more concrete because we've experienced enough to find out more about who we are. I highly encourage people to wait 6 months at least before becoming intimate as so much more will be revealed.

Aquarius rules friendship. I see our relationships moving into a time where we become friends first so that we know that we truly like a person not just fall in love with them. We would still be their friend even if we were not their partner. Yes, we have to rise above the you belong to me and I belong to you standards of the past. It's more like you belong to yourself and you have to do what is best for you and I accept you, all of you, not just your good side. No one is going to magically always be on their best behavior.

Our best friendships that stand the test of time will go through periods of discomfort as we each project parts of ourselves we refuse to be on each other. It's inevitable that the closer you get to someone the more you will see these polarizations. And sometimes both people are doing the exact same thing or behaving the same way and accusing each other. Everyone benefits when honesty enters the picture and dialogue takes place. Nothing can be resolved without both parties communicating (and not after two bottles of wine)... :) Then projection becomes an opportunity for healing for both people. But it takes two who want the relationship to work.

So many people come to me and say "she's not the person I married" or "he changed into someone else". I would say they never got to know a real person. Usually the projections have to fall off first so you can look at the beloved as human and divine in one being. They won't always be what you want them to be. Wouldn't it be nice to know that the love of your life is also your best friend who you will actually get to know for real, the dark and the light? This is both giving and having the freedom to be ourselves. What a gift.

TIME TO GET PRODUCTIVE

ALL of my astrological clients come to me with relationship issues and what they are going through is so specific to their chart. Without disclosing personal identification I am going to start describing some of these issues as they may be helpful to others who read my blog from time to time.

Here's one that was significant. This woman had several planets in Virgo in her 7th house including the Moon which told me she was not only highly critical, she also attracted partners who were critical of her. I told her if you BOTH recognize you have a strong critical streak, make a pact with your partner that if either of you starts nagging or fault finding and it's over the top (you can tell it's over the top by the emotion involved) that you will say out loud to each other: TIME TO GET PRODUCTIVE. Let's go clean out the garage or let's go work in the garden... Let's do something together to get busy until we calm down and can discuss whatever it is you want to discuss. This will depotentiate the critical streak inherent in your characters. You aren't going to get rid of this part of you so might as well learn ways to put it to good use. Instead of tearing each other to shreds with criticism, make yourselves become the Virgo TEAM! Remember the 7th house is what we can do together!

Then later instead of criticizing, how about asking for what you want! A wonderful concept. Easier said than done and takes practice, but practice makes perfect... hehe another Virgo term.

Rising Sign carries shadow content too!

This past weekend I was giving a free lecture on my book, The Shadow Dance & Astrological 7th House Workbook at Spirit Quest Center in Spring, TX and a very interesting dialogue took place with one of the participants. In the discussion, she realized a lot of the qualities that were shadow content for her were actually the negative qualities of her rising sign. In my book, there are key words for each sign both the positive and the negative qualities as each sign has it's own dark side. Keeping in mind that dark is only hidden from consciousness and not necessarily evil.

Our Shadow, a concept of C. G. Jung is whatever we deny, disown, repress or project out because we don't know about it. It's basically in our unconscious.